Artists’ impression of the disaster waiting to happen.
After lying prison social worker Brendan Barnett’s hopes of playing the wooden-headed puppet Pinocchio were dashed amid fears his gigantic proboscis was a danger to other cast members Leeds ABC have learned that Barnett now poses a risk to the safety of his colleagues at Edinburgh ‘Criminal Justice Services’. Despite efforts by multiple ABC groups for Barnett to stop telling lies about prisoner John Bowden, the Master of Mendacity has now told so many porkies that his pants could burst into flames at any minute. Should this happen within the confines of Grindlay Court Social Work Centre, there would obviously be a serious risk to the health of others. The danger is heightened by the fact that Barnett’s senior colleagues have so far failed to take proper safety precautions against this Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire scenario. We can only advise responsible colleagues of the man with the incendiary underpants to throw a bucket of water over him before it’s too late. If this fails to make a difference, and Barnett starts to steam, those nearest to him are advised to quickly knock him to the ground, roll him about, and spray him with a fire extinguisher before calling the emergency services.
Members of the public can report this Health and Safety nightmare by contacting the following:
Brendan ‘Pinnochio’ Barnett, Grindlay Court Social Work Centre, Criminal Justice Services, 2-4 Grindlay Court, Edinburgh, EH3 9AR. (Telephone: 0131 469 3408 Fax 0131 229 8628)
Michelle Miller, Chief Social Worker, Grindlay Court Social Work Centre, Criminal Justice Services, 2-4 Grindlay Court, Edinburgh, EH3 9AR. (Telephone: 0131 469 3408 Fax 0131 229 8628) NB Michelle Miller also works out of Waverly Court, see details for Peter Gabbitas below.
Peter Gabbitas, Director, Health and Social Care Department, Waverly Court, Level 1/8, 4 East Market Street, Edinburgh, EH8 8DG. (Telephone 0131 553 8201 Fax 0131 529 6218).
Social Work Advice and Complaints Service, Waverley Court, Level 1/7, 4 East Market Street, Edinburgh, EH8 8BG. (Telephone 0131 529 6217 Email firstname.lastname@example.org).
Scottish Public Services Ombudsman, 4 Melville Street, Edinburgh, EH3 7NS.
Scottish Prison Service HQ, Communications Branch, Room 338, Calton House, 5 Redheughs Rigg, Edinburgh, EH12 9HW. (Telephone 01259 760 471 Fax 01259 762 003 E-mail email@example.com
Ian Whitehead (Governor), HMP Shotts, Cantrell Road, Shotts, Scotland, ML7 4LE. (Telephone 01501 824000 Fax 01501 824 001 ).
There is a Day of Action in support of John Bowden, lies against whom have led to this inflammatory situation, on Monday June 11th. Please do everything you can to stop fire-bug Barnett causing more harm.
There will be a demonstration outside the London offices of the Parole Board as part of the Day of Action – 99-105 Horsferry Road, SW1P 2MX – Starts Midday.
Letters and cards of support to John at: John Bowden, 6729, HMP Shotts, Cantrell Road, Shotts, Scotland, ML7 4LE.
You can also send e-mails to John (or any other prisoner) via: http://www.emailaprisoner.com
You can download John Bowden’s pamphlet ‘Tear Down The Walls!’ free of charge from our PDF section.